Family – Broken pieces

We all have issues within the makeup of our families that don’t always play out the way we’d like. This seems especially true with adult children and spouses.

No family is perfect

But, in the story I’m writing, my character, at the age of twenty-six, discovers the man who raised him and whom he believed to be his father, isn’t. He meets his real father for the first time at a rock concert. His real father is a rock star.

So, here are the emotions he deals with.

First off, SHOCK!

Second, disappointment, hurt and anger that his mother would withhold something that important from him. She’s raised him to be an honest and forthright person, and to keep his karma clear. So, she loses his trust with this shattering revelation.

How do they move on from here?

My character has to find a way to forgive his mother. But, will things ever be the same between them? Probably not. (At least it wouldn’t in real life). And, what are the underlying issues?

Family wounds

Then, he has to begin to build a relationship with this stranger, his real father. He’s admired the man and his music his entire life. But, things look different on this personal level. Where do they start?

First off – they have a common ground – a love and talent for music.

Second, they share a love for his mother.

It’s a place to start. And in real life, isn’t that all we can look for to repair a relationship or build a new one? A place to start.

Quote_Baldwin I love this quote from James Baldwin!

I’d love to hear your thoughts – your own experiences with family situations and how you moved forward from them. You might help give me deeper insight into my story. 🙂

 

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25 thoughts on “Family – Broken pieces

  1. Hi Jan, I’m just loving this story! It’s really deep on a lot of levels. Oh I think things will be all right between Jag and his mother–as good as they always were. They do need to sit down just the two of them and hash everything out. If not, that resentment grows until it becomes unmanageable. Strengthen the mother’s motivation for keeping the secret. What about the man she actually married that she liked well enough to live this life with him? What if he knew he wasn’t the father? What if he was protecting her from some horrible fate? You begin by looking at her motivations. Where was she working? How about her parents, how would they feel? Maybe her father was a bitter man or a very religious man who couldn’t accept that she had a baby out of wedlock? Or what if her father was someone of importance and she would hurt him either politically or financially? Dig deep, sister.

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  2. Jag also needs to have a private one-on-one with his real dad. Damien can be of big help in dealing with this. I think he’d tell Jag not to be too hard on his mother and that she did the best thing she could at the time. His mother’s age was a huge factor. Damien would also apologize to Jag for not being there when he was growing up. Even if he didn’t know he had a son, he’d feel the loss of those years deeply.

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  3. Thank you, sister, for both replies. I agree that Jag and his mother need to talk and it may not be until they are at the hospital waiting. Maybe that would be the right time. And, I think he can start building the relationship with Damien by spending time with him. Maybe they’d go play golf or hang out and play music. Guys don’t normally talk on a deep level, so don’t see that happening, but they will start to get to know each other. On a personal family level…if this were your family, how do you’d react? I can’t imagine finding out I had a different father than Daddy. 🙂 Just thoughts. That’s all.

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  4. Jan- your book sounds wonderful, I can’t wait to read it. Yes family issues we all have. Words spoken in anger, especially if some are under the influence of alcohol never helps. I deal with it through prayer, talking to God and knowing he forgives us no matter what & we must forgive those that have hurt us. Do we forget, no, but we must forgive & give it over to God and let and Him take the burden from us or it will eat us alive.
    Can’t wait to read your book, it just might help me to deal w/ my own family problems. Love & hugs, Jan, have a great weekend!!

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    1. Oh, Tonya, I love your response. Yes, forgiveness is the key and that is what my character must do with his mom. But, I believe their love is deep enough to overcome this. 🙂 I am so close to finishing this book. Please say a prayer that I can get a publishing contract. I’m not really wanting to self-publish this one. Hugs, sweet lady, and thanks for weighing in.

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    1. What? No sage family advice from the Howell camp? Surely, you must have some input. You haven’t lived all these many years without gaining some understanding of family dynamics. 🙂

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      1. Here’s my advice for your character. Since he has a father who raised him as if he was his own he should have a talk and get some advice. You didn’t say how the rock star reacted to the information that he has a son so I would say the emotional support from the star might be minimal. Funny thing about stars and kids. Usually a liability as opposed to a blessing. Finally, the kid should try and understand why his mom didn’t tell him in the beginning. There is only one way for that to happen. Ask her. In the end, the kid can use this problem as a crutch to explain his own failings or rise up and take comfort in the fact that he was loved his whole life and move on.

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  5. Whoa! I love the sound of this book already. I have a passion for stories that explore conflict among family members. Which is really odd because I come from a very tight-knit family without squabbles.
    Jan, I can’t wait for this one! 🙂

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  6. I look forward to reading your book, Jan. My large extended family has covered the terrain of sorrow and joy. Some situations need time to bridge misunderstandings or hurt; others can be addressed through one-on-one encounters. I’ve experienced both… All the best to you!!

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    1. Thanks for weighing in, Gwen. I suppose different situations and personalities call for different solutions. In the case of my character, he needs to forgive his mother, first of all. Then go from there. Big hugs!

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  7. Me too, Craig. 🙂 They have some commonalities and that helps, but still awkward. They’re going to need to have a private conversation. I love creating this story!!

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  8. I like this dynamic for your story! That would a huge shock to find out at that age! And you’ve missed all the bonding years together, how do you start where you are? So much potential between the father and mother and son! I look forward to reading what you come up with!

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  9. It’s interesting to know Jag and Mom have relationship issues too. They seem almost unbelievably close to the point I’ve read. Jag being “damaged” like this will strengthen his character a lot.
    BTW, I agree with John that celebrities don’t always regard children as a plus, and that would apply even more to an adult son appearing and making Dad look old.
    Mae left me wondering, and I hope her family remain squabble-free. One daughter rejecting the rest of us was an enormous shock; none of us have any idea where we went wrong, and there’s nothing we can do because we don’t know where she is or what she’s doing…. and she’s over eighteen.

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    1. Thanks for weighing in, Sarah. I agree that Jag needed some shaking up and this did it. I’ll be sending those chapters soon. So sorry about your daughter. However, I do believe blood is thicker than water and she’ll surely come back around.

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  10. This is deep, Jan. First the son will feel shock and betrayal + he has every right to. In essence, his life has been a lie (even if his mom had a good reason). I think it will depend of her reason to keep that from him (did she cheat on her husband? Is the rock star a bad guy)? Make them all flawed, but also show some redeeming qualities: the mom, the rock star and the son. Good luck!!

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  11. Thanks for your awesome input, March! Yes, he does feel like his life has all been a lie. His mother got pregnant by the rock star at the young age of 19, when his career was just taking off. She never told him and married someone else. The man who raised my character has died and now the mother is rekindling her first true love. I am having SO much fun creating this story!

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  12. Great story Jan! If you haven’t watched, This is Us you might find it helpful. It includes all the event, emotions and dynamics you just listed. I like reading and especially watching stories that are similar to what I am writing because I can gain some insight into dialog, facial expressions, body language and delve deeper into the “Why” — thanks for sharing. Other family dynamic stories that have helped me are The Originals and of course Game of Thrones.

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  13. Thank you, Luna! I appreciate the tip. I haven’t watched that show, but have heard it’s great. I’ll check it out. I agree that by watching shows similar to what we are writing, we can pick up lots of great ideas. Thanks for stopping by!

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    1. I’ve tried to give you a link to a book that might help with Rena’s adult reaction to child abuse twice, and I’m still blocked by a password demand the site won’t let me set.

      Here it is https://goo.gl/K1RbNv Well worth $0.99, and I know the real lady would like a review if you have time.

      *Sarah Stuart*

      viewbook.at/DangerousLiaisons

      viewbook.at/ILLICITPASSION

      viewBook.at/DynastyofDeceit

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